Oh yes! Barmy as it may seem – and things could get even wackier, I warn you – I am determined to somehow get to grips with my new friend Nunchaku before said friend reduces me to the depths of utmost humiliation in front of a small but highly critical audience as I attempt to conquer the basic techniques required for my next karate grading. In preparation for said forthcoming event – and after a truly pathetic effort on my behalf to persuade this pair of uncommunicative and decidedly uncooperative sticks to give the impression of harmony for a required 90 seconds give or take … I’ve come to the conclusion that if I’m to have any hope at all of getting to even the equivalent of a potty training stage with these two unruly toddlers, some serious parenting needs to be put into place. Unfortunately, my parenting skills could also do with some improvement – but perhaps we can come to some kind of mutual agreement and everyone will be happy, yes?

Good, then. Now … where to begin …

Let’s put this into perspective, just so we don’t get too carried away. With all due respect to the many masters of nunchaku out there, when I personally speak of ‘mastering’ these nunchaku, I have no intention of lighting cigarettes with them á la Bruce Lee – or indeed of presupposing that for me to achieve my menial goal I would need to have been conceived by nunchuck-carrying sperm and started training in my mother’s womb! Nope! I just want to pass this bloomin’ grading, since in all probability it’s likely to be my last! (Note: this is less to do with my extreme crapness and more to do with future gradings requiring one to have one’s memory intact!! – a whole other story).

So, with this in mind, I’m simply going to embark on a very short, seven-day nunchuck journey in the weird world of ‘me’. Why seven days? Because for crying out loud if I can’t see the tiniest of improvements in my control of these two aliens in seven days then there is little hope!

And finally – why am I writing this at all? Well, because by writing down things I’ve learned, things I’d rather forget, etc. etc. etc. it helps keep things clearer in my weird head, helps me learn and helps me focus on where I’m going …

And so ……….. introductions over! Let us pray begin! Or … jeez, let’s pray as well! I need all the help I can get!