Tag: 12wbt

And we’re off …

And it’s all looking GOOD!! Interview yesterday was interesting – mostly information-gathering. Formal interview to come (she hopes!). More later on that …

For now, though, well, things are looking up (and it all ties in perfectly with 12wbt kick-off). My wonderfully amazing acupuncturist cheered me up no end yesterday when I was whining because my knees simply can’t decide which one is the troublemaker! You know what he said? He said ‘The switching of ‘trouble’ from knee to knee is a GOOD sign – because it means they’re trying to find a happy medium between them, which in turn means that the problems are FIXABLE!’ Whoop! Whoop!

Running has been very slow and I’ve just about managed a couple of very easy run-walks in the last five days. I’m determined to take the time to build up properly and hopefully not re-injure. I had a fab session in the gym this morning – 5 x 500m on the rower (and knocked 7 minutes off my previous time … yup! That’s ‘minutes’ …. p.s. my previous time was quite a while ago lol) – and I was really chuffed with that result because it still shows I’m getting stronger with age!!! Ha Ha  Straight after, I did a short pyramid but it was nicely effective …

5 reps/10 reps/15 reps/10 reps/5 reps each of King Squats/Press-ups/Burpees/Inverted rows

And then …. wait for it …. and then …… I did a full 5k on the treadmill!!! Whooweeee!! Now, don’t get too excited, I didn’t run it all, but I certainly ran more than I walked – and I ran the whole final kilometre AND … AND … AND … *excitement* …. my knees haven’t complained since! Progress!!

OK – after all that excitement …. I came home and 12wbt has more or less officially launched!! Measurements requested, photos (??), menus and workout plans for next week are now printed off …… so much to read and take in. You’ll notice I haven’t mentioned the fitness test? I think I shall remain in denial until Monday.

It’s quite frustrating, I already want to start NOW!! The workouts look fantastic – and secretly I AM looking forward to the fitness testing because I’m always testing everyone else and never myself so it’s great to have that push! (See? That is EXACTLY why I’m doing this). I can’t wait to get started but I’m beginning to wonder if I’ll be doing intermediate level rather than advanced … only Monday will tell hehe

The menus are interesting because they are so different. I have to admit that it doesn’t look like an awful lot of food (although I’ve been keeping to 1200 cals the last couple of weeks so I must be eating the same amount). There’s quite a bit that doesn’t appeal to me, but also loads of recipes and meal ideas that I’d never have thought of and will definitely try. The breakfasts are intriguing too (my fave meal of the day). One thing I notice, though, is that the food is rather light and ‘summery’ – probably because for Oz it’s seasonally appropriate (I think you’re all basking in sunshine). Wraps and salads simply don’t appeal quite so much when it’s -10 degrees outside your door LOL  Methinks I’ll be sticking to my homemade veggie soup (steaming!!) for lunch – or my own fave florentine lunch (spinach, tomatoes, mushrooms and poached egg – yum yum yum … with slice of rye bread).

OK! Nearly midnight so need to get to beddy-byes. Hoping I don’t wake to a foot of snow outside (unlikely – it’s too bloody cold!) … but kids could be off school because it’s snowing up on the Downs. That could seriously affect my plans for my 1k time trial – need to do it either tomorrow or Sunday, I think. On Monday I’ll be able to do the rest of the workout and tests in the gym. I shall report back anon.

From 1 k to 100 k in 4 months – can it be done!!! Watch this space!

Rollercoaster Week!

Up, Down, Stress, Screaming, Upside Down, Excitement (ok, let’s not push it!), Round in Circles, Relief, End up back at the beginning.

Rollercoasters! Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! I’ll jump out of a plane any day, but please don’t ask me to get on a rollercoaster! Ever again! This week has come close to the feeling I get when I see a rollercoaster, although at least on the playground ride I can shut my eyes.  I tried to shut my eyes sometime Wednesday, tripped over the dog, bashed my elbow on the bannister and tumbled down the step. Nope! Closing my eyes wasn’t going to work this time.

(Can I just pause here to say that I have just this minute BLOWN MY CALORIES????)

Now … where was I? Oh yes. Trying to say goodbye to this week and look forward to the next one. In retrospect it wasn’t that bad – or perhaps I’ve already changed my perception and I’m forcing myself to look at the positives and attempting to use the negatives as mini trampolines which I can spring off in the hope of landing on a positive?

Ok, enough with the crap analogies. The crux of it is that my business is currently swirling down the plughole. My youngest son is desperately struggling to keep head above water at school, which worries me constantly and tears at my heartstrings since his perception is that everything’s going ok – and then his heart breaks when he fails all his exams. He doesn’t cope well (Asperger’s). And I could list another truckload of negative stuff but then that would be really depressing. And did I mention that I’ve just blown my calories – again??

On to the positives because I need to land firmly with both feet on a positive. Here goes …

I have an interview for a job at a gym on Tuesday.

I’ve started tracking what I eat again and yesterday was a good day. Today was great up until about half an hour ago, but I’ve typed it ALL into MFP. Do you think MFP will crash if my daily calories go into five-figure numbers?

I’ve reduced my Exercise cals on MFP to something slightly closer to what my hrm told me. Kickboxing for an hour this morning gave me 398 calorie-burn. MFP tells me I should’ve burned 480 in only 45 minutes!! HUGE difference. Am being honest and going with my hrm.

I’ve started running – if extremely tentatively. I’m worried about my right knee – but am building at a pathetically slow rate and am determined to keep it at that pace, even if I have to put off some of my running goals until next year! I WILL return to running. It’s just going to take a little time. Patience, Amanda, Patience!

I AM getting ready for lift-off at 12wbt. My nutrition is back to healthy, I just have to control the chocolate consumption – a few more days like yesterday will do it!

My little lad will be fine. I just have to work out some different ways to help him.

Rebecca thinks ‘Bedlam’ is a really nasty man who was on the Brighton trains this morning, which is why I had to drive S and K to the airport earlier. I never thought she’d fall for it … but she did! Bless her! How can you be grumpy surrounded by such innocence and delight? (note to self: explain about ‘bedlam’ to Rebecca before I forget lol)

Caitriona WILL get selected for NYT this year. She WILL!

Chris WILL get offered a university place.

Rebecca WILL! She just will!

Me too!

I will, too!

Pilates? Puh-lease!

Working up to Week 1 and I’m getting nervous because I should be running 50 km per week, instead of which I’m spending a bloomin’ fortune on advice to help my knees agree to support me at something more than a quick march! Divorce mediation has NOTHING on the conversations between me and my damned knees at the moment!!!

So the acupuncturist (absolutely amazing man and the most wonderful ‘energy’ about him – pure magic!) decided it would be really beneficial for me to book a Pilates with Equipment session or two. In a moment of weakness, I agreed.

Good God, I was losing the will to live before I’d even got in the door! Help!!! Oh, it is just soooooooooooooooo not me! I can sit still and meditate. I can even sit in front of the television for hours (tough, eh??). Or I can kick the crap out of the bags at the gym or do 1000 reps or 200 burpees … but lying on my bag ‘tweaking’ my ankles, ‘softening’ my toes (oh, hello??), breathing through my back (don’t even go there!), and mentally creating ‘space’????

Next stop: Psychiatric Unit!! That’s all I have to say.

But I promised I would do EVERYTHING to help my knees so I can get the best out of these 12 weeks (and the rest of my life …) and I’ve always kept my word. Just five more sessions to go ….. OMG, where’s the Valium?

(Note to 12wbt-ers: Bear in mind that this was nowhere – NOWHERE – not even in a single sentence …. in my commitment statement!!!)

*screams into cushion*


The Commitment Task

The task has been set … Commit to your goals! Well, I can do that. I don’t think anybody can accuse me of lacking commitment. Looking back, I’ve committed to a lot of things in my life and followed them through to the end. I tend to forget about what I’ve done, though. I still struggle with making new commitments but at least now I can stand back with the full understanding of where this comes from. It only took 40 years to see it. Hmmmmm – is that because I didn’t want to – or because I’m a bit of a slow learner?? LOL  Truth is, I hesitate before committing because there’s been a pattern throughout my whole life of charging forwards – regardless of whether that goal is days, months or years away -, putting 210% effort into whatever it is, getting closer, closer, closer and then …… seeing the finish line! ‘Wahay!’ you might think? But no! I seem to always be wearing red when approaching that finish line, and right behind it? Yep! A bloody great BULL!! So what do I do? Don’t be silly! I RUN! Back the way I came! Fast as I can!

Patterns that have been there for 40 years are tricky to break. I’ve broken them a few times – mostly thanks to my best friend who ten years ago put that pattern into words: ‘Amanda,’ she said, ‘when are you going to give yourself permission to be good at things?’

She hit the nail on the head and I’ve never forgotten that. I’m very hard on myself. I’m fiercely competitive but always bottle it in the final stretch. After a year’s worth of thought and assessment I think a lot of this comes from the fact that my mother used to always tell me to never try and be really good at anything; it was far better to just be ‘OK’ at a lot of things.’

Moving swiftly away from my mother (LOL) … those words have hung over me, drilled deep into my brain and controlled everything I’ve ever done. I’m angry that all this happened without my conscious knowledge. It’s frightening that as a mum this is such a clear message that I could be doing the same with my own children. What have I said? What have I done? Are they ever going to forgive me?? OK, I’m getting over-dramatic, aren’t I? I’m doing my best – and my mum did her best, too.

But she left me with that battle. However, now that I know about it, I’m accountable and it’s up to me to fight it, right? How many of us are fighting that same battle on a daily basis? Facing that fear of doing well? Afraid of success in case …………. well, in case WHAT?

That’s the crux of it, isn’t it? What is the worst that’s going to happen if we succeed? What’s the best that’s going to happen?

I’ve committed ………… to seeing a number on the scales over the next 12 weeks that I’ve never seen before. I’m committing to this because it’s my private conquest … a finish line that I’ve never crossed before and in my heart this is a big battle and crossing that line will be proof that I can finish things I start and finish in style!! I’ve committed to taking my black belt kickboxing grading – be it this year or next (hopefully this year but needs to be with instructor’s consent). Wow! That’ll be a huge testament to being able to see something through to the end. And I’ve committed to getting a tough and consistent workout routine in place so that I can push my fitness up another notch and ensure my strength improves so I have the best chance of meeting my other goals!

I WILL cross those finish lines – and I WILL say ‘I deserve to feel proud’.

This is my commitment to myself. The rest of the task is about making that commitment to everybody else – to be accountable to family and friends. Well, I’ve also committed to be totally honest – and quite honestly I have a problem committing to everyone else. This is as ‘out there’ as it’s really going to get. Everything else I do is ‘out there’. This journey is mine! I need this for ‘me’. So I’m committing to … everyone else who is joining me on this journey (or am I joining them??) and to everyone who reads this blog post! I’ve met the task halfway by committing to my goals on Facebook – but without stating how I’m going to get there! If anyone asks, I’ll tell them. Otherwise, this is my journey, my time, my goals and my inner war. Thanks to anyone for understanding that and wishing everyone with goals and commitments an exciting race to the finish line!! Great things lie on the other side …

Took the ramp. Landed with a headache.

I thought the pre-season tasks to the 12-week programme would never start. Now I’m getting nervous that there aren’t enough of them. The start line is approaching and I seem to have slowed to a very slow crawl. In fact, I appear to be side-stepping, so not moving forwards at all. This is not a good place to be!

The last time I posted I was heading at break-neck speed for a bloody great ramp! Well, I can tell you now that I failed to dodge it, had to bend knees, tuck in and schuss! It was too late to realise I’d forgotten my helmet. Fortunately, I didn’t break my neck upon landing, in spite of the speed. I did, however, end up with a whopping great headache … which has been with me for two days now!

But if I’m not on my feet, I have at least got as far as hands and knees and yes, I’m not going to spend any more time whining (well, not much, anyway – what’s life without a whine, eh?). Actually, the only thing I’m whining about is my inability to running and the thought that my 2012 goals are still very much hanging in the balance. I’ve stuck to my guns and my promise to not run for two weeks. Nearing the end of Week 1 and going stir crazy. I’ve been attempting to do my weekly distance on the indoor rower … had       15 km planned yesterday but I can honestly say that I was simply losing the will to live after 10 and I stopped.  I didn’t leave the gym, though. Did a couple of sets of lunges, single leg squats and calf raises, followed by a 3-minute plank (just to prove to myself that I could still do it!). My head was pounding for the rest of the day BUT I sucked it up and went kickboxing anyway!!

Today, well, I’m not exactly bouncing with energy so I’ll keep this short before I start moaning again. Head still banging but I’ve hoovered, tidied the living room, emptied out and sorted two big drawers and done the filing. Now I’m going to plan my food till the end of Jan.

This week’s pre-season has been about setting those goals and gearing up. My goals may have to be moved but I’m slowly getting my head around the fact that this would not be the end of the world. I may not make the marathon but I could still ‘walk’ the ultra? That’s not what I initially had in mind and feels like wimping out but a little common sense just might help my knees …  As for the gearing up, I noticed yesterday that my not-too-old trainers already have a couple of little holes in the top (hazard of running through deep water in them) so I just might have to buy some new ones!! Now, there’s a thought that I can cope with?? lol

I’m going to end on the positives. My headache will not last forever (Note to self: serves you right for not avoiding that ski-jump (made of carbs and sugar)). My knees WILL recover and all the rowing and leg work I do this coming week is only going to ensure my speedy return to running. I am going to smash it at kickboxing tomorrow.

Business WILL pick up (puzzle for the week: to apply or not to apply for the PT job advertised at my local gym???)

Oh – and I was shortlisted for a prize in a national writing magazine with my poem on the set theme of ‘daydreaming’. Life is good, so shut up and get on with it!



Took a wrong turn on Friday night. It’s now Tuesday and the downhill is getting steeper and steeper. Crap! Just spotted a ramp at the bottom and the speed at which I’m heading towards it is more than a little hair-raising. Bracing myself for a big fall! Hope to God there’s a pile of something useful to land on. A trampoline would be nice … the bounce back up would be easy, but I think I’m kidding myself. More likely going to be a big pile of poo … sounds about right.

Should I close my eyes and just accept the consequences?

Suggestions on how to avoid the ramp needed rather urgently!

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