Rowers – every prison should have one!

Rowing machines – Yay! I’ve been introduced to them recently – by a friend. At least, I thought she was a friend, but then who can you trust these days, eh? Think about it! Do you torture your friends? Do you suggest they do unthinkable things? Do you encourage them to try killing themselves – albeit at the gym? Well, do you?

You really need to rethink your idea of friendship.

Rowing! Jeez! It’s not sport. How can it possibly be sport? It’s more like a kind of voluntary corporal punishment. It should be banned. And you know what? It’s addictive, too (another reason it should be banned).

Oh, all right, then. Maybe that’s a little bit harsh, but it’s completely insane. It’s a completely miserable experience – but with the most amazing effects – both physical and psychological.

Argh! I can feel myself getting pulled in … pulled in …

Yep! Probably hooked.

And I’m rubbish! It takes me no time at all to be completely useless, brain turned to mush for the rest of the day. Every prison should have one, I say. Criminals should be forced to row for an hour every day (or two hours – depending on who they’ve murdered (some PMs could carry a sentence of just 20 minutes????)). See, then they simply wouldn’t have the energy to even think about committing another crime for the rest of the day.

Yep! I think it might work.

Tags: corporal, punishment, row, rower, rowers

Oh, so cruel

This training lark. It’s just so unforgiving, isn’t it? No respite – not even for an oldie-going-mouldy like me. I mean, you’d think you’d get a little bit of compassion, wouldn’t you? But no! I take a couple of weeks off after finishing the third and final triathlon of my first season and, well, do you think I’m just a little bit behind? Have just a bit of catching up to do to get back to my fitness level of three weeks ago? Oh, no! All the way back to bloomin’ Square One! What a nightmare – and so unfair!

It took me forever to get there. It took me months of working out at increasingly hard levels. And in just three weeks it’s all been sucked out of me. Like an excited child hurriedly sucking up the end of his milkshake through a straw because he doesn’t want to be last in line for a go on the new trampoline. Yep! That’s how quickly my efforts have been drained away.

But hey ho! No time to keep whining and moaning endlessly about what’s not going to happen, eh? Just got to get out there and start again. I’m quite pleased, I suppose, that I realised the pointlessness this morning in saying ‘I’ll start Monday’. I mean, why Monday? Why not right now? Yes, I think that’s definitely one point for me! It’s a start at least, isn’t i?

I’m on my way! 40 minutes on the stepper and … well … I was planning on 20 mins of core afterwards but I felt so rubbish I thought I was going to throw up. Pathetic! But …

I’m on my way. Tomorrow will be better. It will. I know it will. Really! Honest!

(If I keep saying it, I might even begin to believe it or, even better, it might even be true?)

I’ll let you know.

Tags: fitness, stepper, training, triathlon