Archive for October, 2010

Why obesity is rife!

23
Oct

Despair kicked in today as I was waiting in the bakery and a mother in child in front of me had the following conversation:

Mother: I’ll get you a carrot cake
Child: Aww no, I don’t want carrot cake. I want a doughnut.
Mother: You can’t have a doughnut. I’m not going to buy you anything with sugar in!

*sigh*

Is it no wonder obesity rates have soared? Where do you start?? Note that this lady was actually very well dressed and spoke ‘right proper like’ (kidding) – no, she really DID speak in intelligible English and she was obviously trying to make an effort and do something ‘right’ for her child!!

Where did it all go so horribly wrong?

p.s.  Another wee gem I heard this morning … Somebody asked ‘How much wheat is there in a banana?’

*sigh* I rest my case …

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Apologies to Shakespeare!

20
Oct

While we’re on the subject of madness or silliness or whatever – not to mention Shakespeare – here’s another piece of complete rubbish that I writ/wrot/wrote a little while ago. Regardless of poetic ‘errors’ it was fun getting the kids to recognise all the plays …

Apologies for the double spacing – can’t seem to do anything about it (and Karim is conveniently away!!!!) …

Shakespearean Dream

It is a dark and stormy night –

The tempest roars with all its might;

A winter’s tale indeed – just as

you like it. Filled with verse that has

so much ado about nothing – much;

Love’s labour’s lost, so please don’t touch

the merry wives of Windsor. Say,

two gentlemen came by today

from somewhere – p’rhaps Verona, yes?

They asked for Troilus, then for Cress,

then further asked me if I knew

about the taming of the shrew!

P’rhaps the full moon’s made me ill

or e’en Twelfth Night – or what you will?

Pray, help! This dream on Midsummer’s Night

won’t stop. Don’t laugh! Don’t mock my fright!

I dream of a merchant from Venice hence

and, measure for measure, I can’t make sense

of the comedy of errors. And then, to boot,

King John has arrived with a friend and a flute

of champagne, which we share. Cymbeline (how absurd)

has got really quite drunk – and shot Richard the Third.

Now Henry the Sixth has shown up in three parts

and Romeo and Juliet tug at our hearts,

and Titus Andronicus – (Cor! What a beast!) –

has invited King Lear and Othello to feast

on some ham(let) – but let us not dither and dally –

Coriolanus and Caesar await down the alley!

Pericles taunts poor King Henry the Fourth –

(who’s now of two minds – and two parts) – and up north

King Richard the Second is reading Macbeth

while King Henry the Eighth puts his wives all to death,

And Timon of Athens meets Cleo and Tony

while Henry the Fifth has a fall from his pony –

What a dream! What a mess! But do not despair:

All’s well that ends well, I assure you, so there!

Yes, a dream of all dreams – I’m still in a daze, –

but at least now I know all the names of the plays!

A Minute of Shakespeare?

20
Oct

Written in a moment (or minute??) of madness – obviously stemming from a Sunday lunch discussion with kids …

Wotzisface!   (in Minute form)

A boy, born April twenty-third;

say, how absurd

to not recall

his name at all!

He wrote some thirty-seven plays.

And other days,

when stuck for plot,

he sonnets wrot –

or writ (did writ?) – or something weird …

He had a beard,

I think, – or not?

Erstways, he’s HOT!

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Weight loss accountability

19
Oct

Ask a kid why he didn’t do his homework and chances are he’ll come up with a range of innovative and entertaining excuses over the course of a few months.
Ask an adult why he or she didn’t get to the gig on Saturday night or why they haven’t phoned ‘mum’ and you’ll probably get a smaller range of excuses (or, well, most would like to call them ‘reasons’)!
Ask an overweight person why they couldn’t manage to lose so much as half a pound in a week and ………….. you know what? ….. We could be here till tomorrow listening to the outpouring of excuse after excuse after excuse after …
It’s RIDICULOUS!!
Not saying that I haven’t come up with a fair share myself, but I can also honestly say that I will readily admit that there is NO excuse that can truly warrant the inability to lose a measily half a pound in a whole week. And it all comes down to accountability. In other words, just stop stuffing food into your bloomin’ mouth!!!

‘I was passing MacDonalds’ does not mean you have to buy their mystery foods and eat it!

‘X brought over a cake’ does not mean you have to polish it off yourself at a sitting!

‘Friday night is takeaway night!’ Since when?

‘It’s hard when you’re cooking for two!’ I don’t get it!

*cue much screaming and head banging*

It’s time to stop pandering to your own whims and to everybody else’s. ‘I can’t get the weight off’ and ‘I’ve tried and tried but it just doesn’t work’ … complete and utter *&$%^*!!!

Stop with the crap! Stop the excuses! When all is said and done, it’s easy. Just STOP EATING RUBBISH!

There! Said it! Phew! Feel better now. I’m no angel when it comes to food (she says, polishing off a flapjack) … but I feel totally justified in ranting about people not taking responsibility because I do my fair share of stern talking to myself!! And of all the problems in society for which there is no ‘quick fix’, weight gain and/or obesity is one of the problems for which there really IS a quick fix!

And just in case you missed it, here it is:

STOP STUFFING!

Rant over.

Dismissed!

Addendum:  Ok, Ok, that was maybe a little unsympathetic because I didn’t make myself completely clear. To be successful at losing weight yes, you possibly need to get to the bottom of a whole lot of other problems first, but if we’re going to be pedantic about it – as was my intention above – let’s face it, the answer is easy, isn’t it? Quit making excuses and JFDI! ‘Reasons’ can be acceptable in the short term, but ‘reasons’ are few and far between. When it comes to weight loss, too many people have so many ‘reasons’ to hide behind – in other words, excuses! lol

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Chinese proverb saves the day

09
Oct

Chinese proverb saves the day
It’s an ancient proverb, I’m told – and I thought it should be recorded here because I’d never heard it before, I doubt I’ll ever hear it again and its effect was nothing short of astounding.
Picture this: Sunday lunch, six of us sitting around the table talking Stephen Hawking. Ah yes, well, ‘some’ of us were talking Stephen Hawking. Chris has rediscovered his love of physics so conversation has stepped up a notch from unintelligible to completely unintelligible!! Typical Sunday, really. We’d previously been discussing Rebecca’s homework (put the word ‘microcosm’ into a sentence – reality check: she’s 9!!!!) … so it was all fairly lively!
Cue Sebastian with a typical and subtle change of subject: ‘Why is Caitriona allowed on the balcony when everyone else is banned?’
Yes, you can imagine the instinctive response – in particular from Caitriona. All hell breaks loose, peaceful Sunday lunch shattered. In steps Wise Old Father Karim … ‘Sebastian, listen! You can’t expect to come out with accusatory statements like that with the blatant intent of getting somebody else into trouble – and get away with it, so just shut up and remember the old proverb:
If you throw stones, they’ll come straight back at you!
Ah yes …..
Well, it did have the desired effect – the most effective storm-diffusing proverb to come out of China – or out of Karim’s mouth, at the very least.
Sebastian is still trying to work out its wisdom – along with the rest of us!!!
Now do you see why this had to be ‘written down’? You don’t get away with much in this house, but I think this will return to the Sunday table for a few months to come …

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